We
should already know that to have a good relationship with someone, we firstly
have to have a good relationship with ourselves. So assuming that we are “OK”,
and the relationship we have with another show strain, how do you go about
repairing it or making it better?
There are ALWAYS three people in a relationship; you, me and us, unless you are posting on Facebook or YouTube! We are just looking at “me” for a moment.
Whatever is annoying us about someone or a situation is a reflection of ourselves….. People and events mirror in us what we need to deal with in ourselves. What is evidently annoying you in another is often the part of you that needs to be looked at; be it abandonment, self hatred, worthiness, resentments, struggles to name a few. These sticking points are all part of the tapestry that make us who we are.
We have actually become our own collage of emotions from our past, things that have not been dealt with and each and every frustration we experience in our life is a sign post to look at what is really happening and or what has happened to bring us to where we are today.
Unknowingly, the laws of attraction will play an enormous part in your relationship with others. You can fight this theory and never learn, or in order to be happier; take a view to reserve judgement and surrender to the thought; that we have co-created the situation to either learn from or not to earn from. The problem is that we just did not realise it.
Not learning, or not being open enough to not wanting to learn will only delay the understanding that everything happens for a reason. Subconsciously we are tuned into self help – in that we attract people and incidences into our lives in order to learn – so what is the point of fighting it?.
So you may as well face it, until we learn what our patterns of behaviour and thinking are nothing will change. So just as in Groundhog day we will repeat the same pattern in our relationships (or our lives) until we do learn!
To break your cycle of relationship destruction, you need to stop running away from pain. It is often the wounds or scars from the past and has very little to do with what is going on around you today.
Meditate on your future happiness and have the courage to stop repeating destructive patterns.
Try looking to your patterns of behaviour when you are hurt. Are you able to name the feelings that you feel rather than accept that you were just angry or very annoyed or irritated….?
What behaviour patterns do you adopt? Shout, run away. Sulk, don’t speak, blame? Be honest with yourself, when hurt do you act like you did years ago as a child? Ask yourself this: are you behaving like you or are acting out as your inner child?
And that perhaps is the crux of relationship management. Are you repeating old patterns from the past rather than living your life to full in the present, without pre-set behavioural fears?
When we do not live in the present and are not “Being”, we are not living in a place of love. Without being with love we live with our past fears, negative life experiences and attract those situations to remind us of how we live our lives “in the past”. Relationships are the perfect venue to play out our fears and neediness from our early years.
How often do you blame the other person? “It is all their fault” – “I am blameless”. This type of thinking gives away your power and reinforces victim consciousness where everyone is to blame but yourself. A relationship is about 3 people, remember? You, me and us.
Take responsibility for your actions, your complicity and take control, so the emphasis is not just about the other person, it is about what they and you have asked for the “us” to learn.
When
the high emotions of drama have ebbed away you can take an honest dispassionate
view of events or what happened with that person. When what happened does not
hold a strong emotional charge, then you can take a step back and look at what
part you and they were playing in the drama.
Our operating system/ our self construct – self esteem - was set a long time ago by our past experiences. To have better relationships we need to be reset and our negative behavioural patterns will change as a result.
Many of us carry unmet needs from our past. A simple way to look at the past is draw a timeline.
Birth ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Death
Ask yourself where you think you are on that line? Look to your early years near your birth; in your childhood what made you fearful?
There could be just one event that springs to mind or many. It is not so much the situation that matters but the feeling you have associated with them. The feelings attached to the situation are often fear based. The emotions evoked by “that” event or situations should guide you to what happened to you and “made you” who you are today.
Here are a few clues as to how that situation all those years ago perhaps made you feel:
·
I don’t matter
·
I am not
worthy
·
I have nothing
worthwhile to say
·
I’m not valued
·
I am invisible
·
I’m not lovable
·
Something is
wrong with me
·
I’m not OK
·
I’m a
disappointment
· I am not good enough
· I am powerless
· I am powerless
The early hurt may have set your pattern of behaviour from that point until today. Unfortunately, one other law of life is that the majority of people have an inner programme of “I am not good enough” and that flaw in the self esteem is often reinforced by the events that we attract into our life.
With that feeling of low self esteem and any one (or all) of the feelings associated with your childhood like the one’s listed above – you may just begin to understand why you have been struggling with relationships!
Now, this where things get clever but in a simple way.We either live with “love” or not.
When we don’t live in our present with love, we tend to live in our childhood thoughts of victim consciousness. It is that victim hood that we play out everyday. The law of attraction is quite adamant about his, you will attract situations and people into your life to play out that victim role until you learn the secret of living in the moment.
Fortunately, the BeMethod uses the power of emotional release to rid the mind and body of past emotions allowing you to be in the NOW without the baggage of the past. Without the past influencing your actions in the present you are able to have healthier and happier relationships.
The added benefit of releasing you from your past victim consciousness is that it allows you appreciate that everything can be turned around, no matter what.
You will be able to live with gratitude and just “Be”. In fact, you will learn the lesson of “BEING”; Be in Gratitude, and your rewards will be beyond your imagination………
For more information about improving your Wellbeing & Health then please contact us through BeMethod
Namaste
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